12 months on...

Today is the first anniversary of Blues' amazing Carling Cup win. This blog records my attempts to dampen expectation in the run up to the final, my feelings on the day itself, and the moment when my brain finally accepted what had happened, and the emotions finally flowed. I watched that video again over the weekend (twice, if truth be told) and even now the song, "When Blues win the cup", brings the hairs up on my arm and threatens to reduce me to tears.
What happened afterwards to Blues could hardly be described as euphoric, but the implosion that followed our relegation hasn't yet happened. The manager and team we have now have done the club proud, and ensured that despite all the tribulations the last 12 months have been a happy one: the Europa League campaign, the push for promotion (despite the 2-1 defeat on Saturday, ending our 15-match unbeaten run in 2012) and the goals scored and quality of football being served up under Chris Hughton.
This is Blues - it will end in tears, we'll lose the FA Cup Fifth Round replay with Chelsea a week tomorrow on ITV1 and our league form will probably disintegrate. But whatever else happens, we'll always have this day, last year, for eternity.

My only regret this morning is that my brother doesn't get to share this feeling. His Cardiff side took Liverpool all the way to penalties in this year's Carling Cup final yesterday before succumbing in the most heartbreaking way. It took me back to 2001 when a certain Championship club close to my heart did exactly the same thing against the same opposition. It seems Liverpool can't beat lower league sides in major cup finals without the help of a penalty shoot-out where they get to both choose the ends and take the first penalty. It's weird, but this weekend I've thought more about 2001 than 2011, presumably because of Cardiff, who also lost the FA Cup Final in 2008, never mind the play-off final last season. I can only hope they deliver some silverware to their fans soon, but you have to fear they've had their chances for the foreseeable future.

It all goes to reinforce how big a shock last year's cup final win was. Since 1995, only one club has beaten a side from the "big four" (Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea or Arsenal) in a major cup final. And it was us.

A farewell to Europe

Blues bowed out of the Europa League last night, despite beating Maribor 1-0 and finishing with a creditable 10 points (3 wins, 1 draw, 2 defeats) from their six games in the group. Events elsewhere - 10-man Braga could only draw 1-1 at Bruges - conspired against them, but they can hold their heads high.

It was an interesting game to watch, not least because of the mercurial 17 year-old Nathan Redmond. The teenager is a real prospect, and dare I mention the name "Trevor Francis"? No, because the way Redmond played last night the likelihood is he'll be gracing the Premiership sooner rather than later, and it won't be with us. Redmond was a joy to watch, showing maturity to go with his dazzling pace, skill and trickery. He deserved a goal for his efforts, and nearly got it on 87 minutes when his thunderous volley crashed back off the inside of the post from about 25 yards.

I want to dwell on the past 10 months, from the moment we won the Carling Cup through the pain and shock of relegation to our eight-game European adventure where we've won five, drawn two and lost just two (to last season's Europa League finalists no less). I want to moan about the fact Braga had a man sent off last night around the same time they should (but didn't) have a man sent off against us two weeks ago. Our Europa League campaign turned on that moment in all likelihood, but these are the breaks. But I can't dwell on that, because the future is calling.

Going forward
What happens now? There's little doubt we're in a mess financially. There's little doubt too that our cup win and European adventure will be vital in the years ahead, memories we can draw on to hopefully help us get through the lean times to come.

We have a promotion campaign to focus on now, but while we currently sit in a healthy position, seven points outside the play-offs with two games in hand, the fact remains the January transfer window looms large. We'll know more about our precarious financial position then, as it seems obvious we'll be selling off more of the family silver just to survive to the summer, never mind beyond.

With Carson Yeung's trial now put all the way back to November, leaving him and us in limbo, we will need to sell more of our best players. Liam Ridgewell is a given, but it's likely Jean Beausejour and - assuming anyone will take him - Nikola Zigic will be going too. If we offload those three I think - and hope - it'll be enough, with the significant wages saved (Zigic is on 50K/week alone) hopefully enough to not just lets us keep everyone else, but maybe even replace one, two or even all of them.

The fear, though, is that it won't be enough, particularly if Zigic stays on the pay roll. Curtis Davies is the next most saleable asset, and then you start looking at our younger players: Jack Butland, Jordan Mutch and Nathan Redmond. If we end up selling them, then our future really is bleak.

So January will - as the Chinese say - be "interesting times" for Birmingham City. That cup win and European adventure already feel like they're in the distant past, and I miss them already.

The European adventure - it's nearly over

Yesterday was my birthday, and yesterday was also the day when Blues Europa League dream started to turn sour. It's important that I remember the context of this European adventure we've been on - a club perilously close to financial ruin, relegated in the worst possible way (with five minutes to go) and supposedly heading back to the dark times.
That may yet come to pass, but the skill in which Chris Hughton has fashioned the phoenix from the ashes meant this mid-table Championship side travelled to last season's Europa League finalists with confidence and a belief that, yes, we could get a result. After all, we've already secured five results in our six Europa League games so far.
Sadly it was not to be. Blues did start brilliantly, and after 15 minutes had contrived to miss a penalty and put the hosts under severe pressure. But then a Braga defender somehow escaped a second yellow card, and the hosts remembered who they were and started to grow into the game.
Even then they didn't exactly create much - and we still threatened on the counter attack. And then the blow: five minutes into the second half, Braga fashioned their first chance - a shot from outside the box that was going well wide until it ricocheted off the heel of a Blues defender and flew in the opposition direction past the despairing dive of our keeper into the net.
The game was up - it fizzled out from there, with Braga going close again to finish off 1-0 winners, despite not deserving of the win. Yet on 74 minutes, it didn't matter - news filtered through that the group's whipping boys Maribor were 3-0 up against FC Bruges. A Maribor win meant the result wouldn't matter, we'd have things in our own hands going into our final group game, a home tie with said whipping boys.
But this is Blues, and yesterday was my birthday, so not only did my team end up losing undeservedly, Maribor contrived to concede four goals in the last 16 minutes (evoking horrific memories of a day in April 1993 when Blues blew a 4-1 lead over Swindon Town in the last 25 minutes to lose 6-4).
Now Blues can only progress if Braga win in Bruges and we beat Maribor. We can beat Maribor, and I really hope we stuff them good and proper for what they did last night, but while Braga need to win to top the group to make themselves seeded for the first knockout phase, there's no guarantee they will.
My head tells me this is where the road should end - we've done ourselves proud so far. We first qualified for the group stage, and we avoided finishing bottom of our group. We need to concentrate on the league, where we're handily placed for a play-off push. But my heart whispers all the same: it was 50 years since we last played in Europe, and it could be 50 years - if ever - before we play again. This Europa League adventure - shunned by so many - is the stuff of dreams for us, and we don't want it to end. Not yet.

Roundup

Just to remind myself that this blog isn't simply about my beloved Birmingham City, here are a few more items that may or may not be of interest:

1. Harri sailed through her latest hips checkup at Stanmore, and the threat of a further operation has receded dramatically, a welcome relief as I'm sure you can imagine!

2. Work has really picked up of late, and I now have more pies than I can put my fingers in, leading me to feel more secure about my position as a freelance writer than I've done for a long time, even before PC Answers closed a year or so ago.

3. I'm the proud owner of a third-share in a cider-making setup. Our first batch was made last weekend, and we're planning another bout this weekend. Christ knows what we'll do with 96 bottles of cider, mind!

4. Malt Shovel Mild is now available in bottles. Now all I have to do is schedule a trip into town to try some.

Europa League Blues - better than it sounds

Last night 8,000 Blues fans descended on Bruges. Only 5,400 turned up with tickets, but I suspect a lot more packed into a stadium where, until a certain Championship club rolled into town, English sides had never tasted victory. The best result prior to last night for an English side was a 1-1 draw secured by Liverpool during their heyday in the 1970s. Other teams, including Chelsea and Spurs, came away with nothing.

Bruges also went into the match unbeaten in their domestic league, and undefeated in 18 previous home European encounters. It might explain why they went ahead in the third minute and threatened to blow us away before the quarter-hour mark.

But this isn't the side that was afraid to attack under Alex McLeish. Blues have come from behind to win in two of their last three matches, and we did exactly that this time too, equalising on 26 minutes and then spurning a number of good chances before securing the winner with practically the last kick of the match, in the 100th minute. It came after 10 added minutes after a sickening and worrying injury to our Spanish centre half, Pablo Ibanez that left some of his teammates in tears and oxygen being administered before he was stretchered off. Thankfully Pablo was okay, and left the ground thinking he'd scored the winner!

The 2-1 victory means Blues now head their Europa League group after three matches with two wins and a defeat. After opening with a 3-1 home defeat to Braga, our first home loss in European competition, I was worried we wouldn't take a single point from the group. Now after two away victories we sit in pole position with a golden opportunity to progress, with two of our three remaining matches at home.

Our league position looks precarious - 16th spot - but we've played three less games than everyone else already, and sit eight points off second spot. The squad that Chris Hughton has assembled for practically no money has gelled quickly and despite a punishing schedule has now won four straight matches in ominous fashion, scoring nine goals in the process. We were lucky to score nine goals in ten matches last season!

The fact is, rumblings suggest our financial position is so precarious things will get bleaker off the pitch, and will probably derail our season. But to be where we are now, making a fist of things in our first European competition for 50 years and continuing off our fine form that saw us reach two Fairs Cup Finals in the early 60s, makes me proud to be a Bluenose. And echoing the thoughts of all Blues supporters, we'd like to thank Chris Hughton, his staff and players for giving us our club back on the pitch where it matters, even if things are about to get worse off it.

Blues in Europe

Our week away neatly coincided with Blues' first foray into Europe in 50 years. On Thursday 18th our ramshackle squad travelled to the island of Madeira for the first leg of a play-off match with FC Nacional of Portugal's top flight. We drew 0-0, but in typical Blues fashion hit the woodwork three times and should have come away with a priceless away goal or two.

And so to this Thursday night just gone. As to be expected with Blues fans, we dampened down our enthusiasm, despite the fact the game was a sell out. We'd go out on penalties, or battle to a gallant score draw, which would see FC Nacional progress to the group stages on the away goals rule.

What tosh. When St Andrews is full for a night cup game, our fans give a tantalising glimpse of just how powerful they can be. Put simply, we overwhelmed Nacional with consummate ease, 3-0. It could - and should - have been four or five. We played wonderful football - the silver lining of our current stormy cloud - and the crowd lapped it up. Our threadbare squad, so stretched that five of the seven substitute slots were reserved for academy kids, soaked up the crowd and turned on a display to eclipse that glorious night back in January when we beat West Ham 3-1 to make the Carling Cup Final.

Sober fact is we have probably blown any faint hopes of promotion by progressing to the group stage of the Europa League. Six extra games mean no less than four Championship matches will need to be rescheduled and our squad is stretched so paper thin it'll snap at any point.

But it's not about promotion. Not any more. You see, while Neil Warnock says he's happy to be out of the Carling Cup after QPR lost 2-0 at home to Rochdale, you sense that he's missed the point. Football is escapism, it's supposed to be fun, and while financial stormy clouds gather around St Andrews, do you think we care? We're going on a European tour, a tour that means the Carling Cup win isn't just an isolated bright spark in the unremitting gloom of following Birmingham City FC. A whole new generation of Blues fans will get to visit foreign stadia in Belgium, Portugal and Slovenia, while St Andrews will hopefully be packed to the rafters for three more night matches as Blues strive to build on a proud unbeaten European home record that now stretches to 13 games (11 wins), a legacy of our reaching two Fairs Cup finals in the late 50s and early 60s. It may be decades before we ever get this opportunity again.

You never know, the TV companies may even lower themselves to show us in Europe. Think cup football (outside of the Champions League) is dead? You should have been at St Andrews on Thursday night - shame the TV cameras weren't. All together now, "We are Europa League, say we are Europa League..."

You couldn't make it up

It's been a horrific few months for Birmingham City FC. As I posted on a Blues message board a few weeks ago, winning the Carling Cup clearly hacked somebody, somewhere off, because what has happened since beggars belief.

Relegation, our owner being arrested on money laundering charges (his assets have been frozen, crippling us in turn, and it looks like being a long, drawn-out affair), selling players to try and keep the club going (never mind pay off debts). And now, on the eve of our first competitive European fixture since the early 60s, we're told midfield starlet Jordan Mutch has broken his ankle in training.

Rather than wail on about it, I shall simply point you to the final words of my doomsday prophecy regarding Blues: six seconds before the club finally goes out of existence (no doubt an agonising process that will take years to slowly unfold) I fully expect a small, perfectly formed meteorite to strike St Andrews and obliterate it from the face of the earth.

Beer

Or, more precisely, local beer (and cider, and wine, what the hell). We're blessed in this part of Essex with some glorious micro-breweries serving wonderful real ale. I have the beard, I'm certainly old enough to no longer care about 'cool' (not that cool and I were ever even remotely acquainted), and so in no particular order I shall share some of my local favourites with this blog for the hell of it.

1. Umbel Ale (Nethergate)
Brewed on the Suffolk/Essex border near Clare, Umbel Ale is the perfect accompanient to spicy foods, particularly curries. It is this citrus ale with its coriander that has inspired this post, simply because I'm buying a couple of bottles to give to my friends for their 15th wedding anniversary this weekend. If you're suitably inspired, you can even buy yourself a case online here.

2. Malt Shovel Mild (Sticklegs)
This gorgeous mild is the first thing I look for at any beer festival, and has won numerous awards to boot. The biggest disappointment is that it's the only Sticklegs beer not currently available in a bottle. Colcestrians looking to try Sticklegs other beers can do so through Guntons and The Food Company.

3. Island Oyster (Mersea Brewery)
This dark beer is one for singing sea shanties to, brewed as it is just six miles down the road on the coast on Mersea Island. The oysters give it a rich flavour and again it's available in most local shops, including the Co-op.

4. Perronelle's Blush (Aspalls)
This gorgeous cider (or "cyder" as Aspalls would have it) is one of four produced by Aspalls in Suffolk. It's difficult to tell the others apart - all subtle variations, and all quaffable. But Perronelle's Blush stands out for the fact it mixes in blackberry liquer to great effect. It shouldn't work, but it does.
Oh, and you can order it online too at some great prices (shame about the delivery charge).

5. Blackwater Mild (Crouch Vale)
My second favourite mild after Malt Shovel Mild, and again not available in bottles. Tasted this for the first time on Mersea Island over the Easter weekend. Lovely.

6. Augustinian Ale (Nethergate)
If I could get this in a bottle I'd be very happy, but while the website claims to sell it as a bottle-conditioned beer I got short shrift when I attempted to order 18 months ago. Instead I have to make so with the odd half every year or so at the Clare Priory Craft Fair.

7. King Coel (Carter's Vineyard)
You'd think English wine would be rubbish, but this red is very drinkable. Perhaps a little lacking in body, but enjoyable nonetheless. Pick it up from Guntons, the Stanway Co-op or online. They sell other wines and a tolerable cider too.

I'm only just starting on this tour of local beers. I clearly have a taste for darker beers, although the odd pale ale is enjoyed too. I'm hoping to sample Harwich Brewery's Penny Mild, for example, while I've merely scratched the surface with local breweries with this roundup: Mighty Oak in Maldon, Red Fox of Coggeshall, Mauldon's of Sudbury, the list goes on.

Football (again)

10 days ago, I'd not have believed I'd be writing this blog post. You see, 10 days ago Alex McLeish was still Blues manager and we were signing players he'd identified as being key to our promotion campaign next season.

Then the rumours linking him to the Aston Villa job started gathering pace and then came the bolt out of the blue: he'd resigned. By email. Just as Blues' acting chairman was crossing the t's and dotting the i's on two more deals, McLeish sensationally tendered his resignation.

And now here we are, with McLeish, the man who delivered Blues' finest hour (followed by relegation), pitching up at our arch rivals across the city. By all accounts he's been taken aback by the storm his defection has caused, as Blues try to pursue a claim for compensation for the loss of the manager they decided - for whatever reason - to back after our last relegation.

I think the biggest shock about all that has happened is that it's cast McLeish in a whole new light. He was supposed to be hurting along with the rest of us after we slid - meekly in hindsight - out of the top flight. We were told he wanted to atone, and then as soon as the first Premier chairman expresses an interest in his services, he's off like a shot. Because make no bones about it, McLeish would not have quit Blues unless he had another job lined up.

McLeish walking out on Blues is hard enough, particularly as I continued to back him in the face of all the evidence: poor quality football, a dearth of attacking intent (we deserved relegation for the fact we were the only Premier League side to average less than a goal a game) and the rest. But to then turn up at Villa Park, well that's just a real kick where it hurts.

All respect I had for McLeish has gone. I daren't read back what I've previously posted, because by his actions he's proved himself to be less of a man. I genuinely thought he might be our Brian Clough or Sir Bobby Robson, but I don't remember either man quitting their job to pitch up with the hated local rivals, tarnishing the memories along with everything else.

The childish part of me wants McLeish to crash and burn (of course, the fact he'd be doing it at Villa would be an added bonus), but the adult part of me berates myself for such pettiness. Instead, while I want him to fail, I can't help but fear what every Bluenose must secretly fear: that having won his first English trophy with us, he'll promptly win cups with Villa too, eclipsing his achievement with us and rubbing our faces in the dirt to boot.

McLeish is now well aware of the storm he's created. He'll know he can't possibly deliver the Villa fans their deluded ambitions of challenging for a top four spot, but he knows how to win a cup, and he'll realise that one way to get them onside is to target the Carling or FA Cup next season and do his damndest to win one or even both. It would be typical of Blues that within 18 months of winning our first meaningful major trophy our bloody hated rivals go one better with our ex-manager at the helm.

But bizarrely, having said all of this, I'm genuinely excited (and afraid, as this is Blues after all) for the future of my beloved club. A new manager with new ideas and more attacking intent, someone who goes out to win games instead of simply attempting to avoid defeat. At the moment it appears to be a straight fight between Chris Hughton and Gianfranco Zola as to who takes the reins of Birmingham City FC. I'd prefer the former, but if the latter surrounded himself with the right backroom staff, then who knows what the future might bring?

Oh look, there go the pigs, flying off into the sunset. Still, at least they're not taking our Carling Cup win with them. I'll be living off that for decades.

Late May observations

Just a few quick observations on what tickles me these days.

1. Family: our little family continues to give us so much pleasure - both Harri and Mimi are so beautiful, entertaining and clever, developing at such a fast pace. We had a lovely day yesterday celebrating Toni's birthday, and when life is pleasant you have to soak it up and enjoy it with relish, as we did. (This I need to remind myself about whenever Little Miss Amelia Alice wakes us either during the evening (as she did last night) or in the middle of the night! After all, when else will I have time to catch up on some of my favourite shows than at 2am in the middle of the night?)

2. The allotment looks so much better these days, thanks in no small part to mum and dad's hard work. Mum in particular has grown the plants that make it look like it's actually being used: potatoes, onions, chard, pumpkins, butternut squash, beans and curly kale.

3. The garden - front and back - looks in good nick too, in no small part thanks to Toni and her folks. Our apple tree is finally growing apples this year, and while the blueberries look a little worse for wear (I don't know what to blame, but I suspect some pruning will be required come autumn time), we've got raspberries, courgettes, herbs, pears and - touch wood - peppers to enjoy this year too.

4. Despite the blow of relegation, it hasn't soured the fact Blues won the Carling Cup. If anything, it's made it all the sweeter - instead of looking at the clubs that consistently win trophies, I've remembered that the vast majority don't win anything at all. And when the time came for the underdog to finally topple one of the big four in a Cup final, it was us who delivered the knock-out blow. We will always be a club yo-yo'ing between divisions; this was truly special, and we'll live off it for decades.

5. Doctor Who is delivering in spades week after week. Having been worried about Matt Smith filling David Tennant's shoes, now I keep forgetting who the previous incumbent of the TARDIS was. And with next week's cliffhanger set up perfectly I'm actually revelling in the anticipation of the event, my inner child excitedly waiting to see what happens.

6. Work, believe it or not. It frustrates me that I don't work consistent hours, that I get distracted and sidelined, but the end result is that - eight months down the line - I've proved I have a professional future post-PC Answers. And a healthier one too - I reckon I've got five new regular or semi-regular strands of work going that I didn't have before, and we continue to live within our means in a comfortable way. And the end result is work spread across more publications with a greater variety of material being produced by yours truly.

7. Music. I've been reconnecting with some of my old favourites (no, I won't embarrass the artists by revealing them!), and letting the memories - happy and sad - wash over me with relish. I could live without many things, but music isn't one of them.

8. Local beer. We are so lucky having so many talented local breweries close by. I don't drink that much, but when I do, I savour each and every bottle. Last night Nethergate's Umbel Ale proved it's as perfect an accompaniment for Thai food as it is Indian and Chinese. Looking forward to Friday evening when we go out for a few halves at the latest Colchester Real Ale Festival.

Relegation

So there you are. For the first 45 minutes and for about nine minutes near the end we were safe. But other results and our own meekness conspired against us. For all my support of Alex McLeish, a parting of the ways is inevitable, and the club needs to appoint someone with attacking intent to breathe new life into a stable club. That is all.

Relegation or not, Blues fans need to be realistic

In May 2009 we returned to the Premier league for the second time in three years. Our previous four-year stint in the top flight was long forgotten - only one senior player remained from that period. We were a yo-yo club, and the likelihood is that we'd be relegated again come May 2010.

You'll know that didn't happen: Blues finished ninth, their best finish for over 50 years. We have no top-flight pedigree to speak of: a handful of top ten finishes in our history, culminating with a sixth-placed spot in 1956, the year we last contested (and lost, of course) a major Wembley final.

If a promoted side bucks the trend in its first season in the top flight, it's guaranteed to struggle in its second, which more often than not ends up in relegation. These days, most promoted sides have half a good season before sliding into trouble.

So, any Blues fan who expected us to cruise this season was kidding themselves, and ignoring the sad realities of the Premier League, where financial muscle still means so much. We've had a few setbacks too: transfer deals that came close, but were derailed, and major injuries to key players like James McFadden and - much later - Scott Dann.

We also won a major trophy. Still doesn't quite sit right, but there it is: after finishing ninth, we went and beat Arsenal to win the Carling Cup, our first major success in 48 years (and that's assuming our original League Cup win counts as a major success).

We're now two games from the end of the season, three points above the drop zone. For the first time since, well, our first season in the Premier League, 38 points looks like not being anywhere near enough to stay up. We're on 39. If you'd offered Blues fans this scenario - you'll win a Cup and be three points clear of the drop zone with two games to play - in May 2009, surely every right-minded fan would have taken it? After all, "you'll win a Cup" was in there, not "you'll reach yet another Cup final, but we're not guaranteeing you a win because we like watching you lose vis-a-vis 1931, 1956, 1960, 1961 and 2001".

And yet, here we are, with fans falling over themselves to criticise the manager, our most successful manager ever, for his negative approach to games. Of course we'd like to be more attacking, of course we'd like to score lots of goals, but we don't have the personnel to do that. Half of our attacking force is injured, the other half have proved they can't be trusted in the system the manager has chosen. Result: we're frustrating to watch, but would Blues fans really accept us taking the approach Blackpool have? They've been great fun to watch, but they're three points behind in the relegation zone. When we have opened up in games, we've usually lost (West Brom at home after the Carling Cup Final, Bolton at home in the FA Cup).

Fact is, rightly or wrongly, the manager has chosen a system that works with the limited resources he has at his disposal. Whether we'll have serious funds in the summer to compete and improve is another argument entirely, but once again fans are expecting us to spend impossible sums of money on players while complaining about the financial situation at the club on the other.

At the end of the day, relegation will be a massive disappointment, of course it will. But we've been relegated before, and will be again. It's not every day you win a major trophy. It's just a shame some Blues fans can't see the reality of the situation, get behind the team on Sunday and drive us on to getting the point - maybe three - that we need.

Proud to be British

The local elections and referendum result sum up everything about British politics this morning. They show that negative campaigning always resonates well with voters, who clearly can't be bothered to judge an issue on its merits. AV may be a "miserable little compromise" as Nick Clegg stated last year, but it would still represent a step forward from the current system. Congratulation to the "No" campaign for proving that you don't win British votes through reasoned debate and a clear discussion of the arguments.

I'm also loving the kicking the Liberal Democrats are taking in the local elections. Not because I agree with said kicking - far from it - but because it also sums up the way we Brits are so easily manipulated into knee-jerk reactions by the two major parties. Blaming the junior partner in a coalition for all of its failings - and there are many - is laughable. If people don't like what the ConDem coalition has done so far, they ought to be shown an alternative universe where the Conservatives got in with an absolute majority of 1. Things would be far worse now than they are, but why acknowledge the small gains the Lib Dems have achieved (such as the raising of the income tax bar, which will do far more for poorly paid working people than anything Labour managed to achieve over its 13 years in government - abolition of the 10p rate of tax, anyone?) when you can blame them for everything they haven't managed to?

There is one crumb of comfort to be had, though: we in Colchester have bucked the national trend, and the Lib Dems held on to all their seats in a night of "no change". And in our ward, they even managed to narrow the majority of the sitting Conservative councillor to come close to handing a Shrub End a clean sweep of Lib Dem representatives. So for all the ineptitude of the British voter, my love for this area grows even more. As for the rest of the British electorate, don't come crying to me the next time you disagree with something political: this system, and the governments it elects is what you deserve.

Obverse Book of Ghosts review

I got a bit of a knock recently after a so-so review of my contribution to The Obverse Book of Ghosts. The review posted at The Black Abyss is more positive: "Thirteen tales of ghostly goings on from an excellent selection of writers, there isn’t a bad story among them just degrees of good."

I'll take that, even if my story is one of the lesser degrees of good in there!

The dam has finally burst...

... Nearly three weeks after winning the damn thing, it was finally brought home to me this morning, thanks to this brilliant video, which overlays local radio broadcaster Tom Ross's commentary over the highlights from the game.

I'm not ashamed to say it brought me to tears, and I can finally accept that my football team, my Birmingham City, have finally won a major honour at Wembley. If you want to know what it feels like to win a trophy after so many decades of waiting, listen to the commentary on this. Hats off to Chris who put the video together - clever use of music (including a fantastic song at the end called 'When Blues win the Cup') helped with the mood.

Excuse me, I must go. There must be onions being peeled nearby...

Now I believe...

... that we've won the Carling Cup, having just witnessed a classic "after-the-Lord-Mayor's-show" performance from a cup finalist. Sadly for us it handed three points to our relegation (as well as local) rivals, confirmed we can no longer rely on our home record to see us to safety and put us right back in the mix. Come 5pm tonight and the likelihood is we'll be back in the relegation zone.

You expect the players to have some kind of hangover, but Blues made five changes - three enforced - from the cup winning side. If anyone appeared to be off the pace it was our brilliant manager Alex McLeish. His main tactical substitution at 2-1 down was to take off a midfielder and throw on a third attacker - not our giant Serbian Nikola Zigic, but Kevin Phillips, who contributed next to nothing as our 4-3-3 formation just fell apart. The defending was shocking for all three goals we conceded, and it was incredibly frustrating to watch.

The fact we're now right back in danger of relegation also helps confirm the fact we've won a trophy, as only Blues could end 48 years without a major honour by getting relegated in the same season!

48 years of hurt...

0... are over. Blues have won the Carling Cup, for the second time in our history, but this counts as our first bona-fide major trophy. When we won in 1963 - as rival fans have always loved to tell us - the big teams weren't playing, and we won over two legs instead of a big Wembley final, albeit we defeated our darling neighbours and lifted the trophy in their own back yard.

But this is different. Since 1995, the big four - Arsenal, Manchester United, Liverpool and Chelsea - have dominated the cup finals they've participated in. We're the first side since Everton in 1995 to beat one of these four in a cup final. The once-in-a-generation shock I've always wanted to see in a cup final has happened - but not to someone else, to us.

How do I feel? Confused, elated, but at the moment relatively calm. Every now and then, a shiver goes down my spine as I start to properly take it in. I knew this moment wouldn't be spoiled by my desperate attempts to keep my expectations at zero, because when your club's history is largely a tale of near-misses and late heartbreak, it can be difficult to raise your hopes again.

But those Bluenoses who went to Wembley were magnificent - we swept all before us. We bamboozled the BBC commentary team who couldn't believe the noise we made. We swept aside the crude claims we'd park the bus and hope for the best. Sure Arsenal were largely superior, but we had our chances too: a stone-wall penalty in the second minute of the game turned down because of an incorrect offside decision, Zigic missing a great chance when 1-0 up, and Fahey hitting the inside of the post in the second half. These things are why my expectations remained zero as I attempted to come to terms with what seemed like the inevitable, particularly as Arsenal came on strongly as the game wore on.

And then McLeish played his masterstroke: on came Obefami Martins, not for Nikola Zigic as we all thought, but for a midfielder. We went 4-4-2 and suddenly the game swung a little our way.

And then the goal. A howler from Arsenal's point of view, but where no Blues player would have been standing to take advantage in a 4-5-1, Martins was there in the right place to slot home. With 90 seconds plus stoppage time left.

Those four minutes of added on time wouldn't end: Blues played superb possession football, but it seemed only 20 seconds were beating eaten away each time. It was surely inevitable - this was Blues after all - that Arsenal would snatch a last-gasp equaliser. But aside from threatening straight from the restart, they didn't get close. And the whistle went, and I went numb.

Birmingham City. 48 years of hurt (or 136 if you want to ignore the last League Cup win) - gone, in 98 pulsating minutes of football. An entertaining cup final where we played our fair share of football, didn't kick anyone off the park and created the more clear-cut chances. And we only went and bloody won!

Ben Foster, Stephen Carr, Martin Jiranek, Roger Johnson, Liam Ridgewell, Craig Gardener, Keith Fahey, Lee Bowyer, Barry Ferguson, Sebastian Larsson, Nikola Zigic, Jean Beausejour, Obefami Martins and even Cameron Jerome, whose three-minute cameo did so much to run down the clock in Arsenal's half. You are all Blues heroes for eternity. And let's not forget all the others who helped us to the final, in particular Kevin Phillips who last-gasp goal against Brentford ensured we weren't knocked out in round four!

So, I can die a happy man. Well, if other clubs can get greedy, then so can I. Could this be our year to finally land the FA Cup? ;-)

Extinquish the spark, please!

That's the hardest thing about Sunday's Carling Cup Final. Despite the form book, despite the gulf in finances and quality, and despite the fact Arsenal are 1/2 to lift the cup and we're only 6/1, the spark of hope is there. I've suppressed it ruthlessly in the build up to this weekend, but it wouldn't be the same if I went into Sunday's final with no expectations whatsoever. What would Fate have to crush then?

We've done this dance before. The last three times Blues made the FA Cup Quarter Finals, the three play-off failures, the Worthington Cup Final defeat in 2001... Each has parallels - three penalty shootout defeats, for starters - but each was also exquisitely unique in the build up, the manipulation of hope and finally the crushing of it.

This is what it's like to be a Bluenose. No doubt fans of other teams share this pain - Fulham in particular I suspect, seeing as they have an even worse record than us (we have one major honour, if the League Cup in 1963 could be called that). It's not like we're truly mediocre: we haven't spent half our history languishing in the lower leagues. It's not like we've not competed at times: two FA Cup Finals, two Fairs Cup (now Europa League) Finals, numerous FA Cup Semi Finals (up until 1975, which is why I'm left with the crippling despair of three Quarter Final defeats), an inability to push on in the league, etc, etc.

Our history is littered with these glorious - and abject - failures, and readers of this blog will know how well I've suppressed these emotions for the past three years. So what do Blues do? They go and resurrect that spark of hope. Not with some quick fix, knowing full well I've been there before and won't fall for that again. Oh no, they bring in a manager capable of - come Monday morning - of being our greatest ever, with more promise to follow. They change the owners, they hand over our highest placed finish for 51 years, and now they take us back to the Carling Cup Final.

I know the odds - our chances of winning are probably one in ten (or one in six, if you believe the bookies). I know come Sunday evening I'll probably be plunged into despair: a 4-0 defeat, maybe? The sort that destroys our season and sees us plummet back towards relegation, just as the Cup Quarter Final defeat in 1984 did? Or worse still, another penalty shootout defeat?

But what if we win? It's there, the thought, the spark of hope, threatening to spill out. What would it feel like? Oh, sure, it's not the FA Cup, the one thing I desperately want. But it's still a major honour, still the biggest thing we'd have won in our history, and it would be now, not 48 years old.

Imagine: we win the Carling Cup, and suddenly our league form lifts and we comfortably escape relegation. But we're also in the FA Cup Quarter Finals still too: maybe we'll go on in that competition too. Perhaps we'll even reach the Final, and maybe we'll even defy the odds and win that too. I can see the DVD cover now: Cup Kings.

Of course, I don't seriously believe it for a second, and in 50 hours or so the thought will be gone, replaced by the despair I've become so familiar with. And why not an adapted version of that last paragraph? We lose the Carling Cup Final, our league form disintegrates, but we somehow struggle on to the FA Cup Final, only to lose that too - just as Sheffield Wednesday did in 1993. That's the more likely outcome, but try telling that to the spark in my chest. Oh damn, it's suddenly turned into a flame. Now what the hell do I do?

RIP, Nicholas Courtney

The Brigadier has left the building. Doctor Who fans will, of course, know exactly who Nicholas Courtney was, the perfect foil to Jon Pertwee (and later Tom Baker) in the 70s incarnation of Who. Even though I was a later convert to Who (in my defence, I was less than two when Pertwee relinquished the role), I knew pretty quickly who he was. I remember him best from his 80s appearances in 'Mawdryn Undead' (an interesting sidenote to this return can be found in an interview from SFX46 that's been republished online today as a tribute), 'The Five Doctors' and finally 'Battlefield', but have seen him during the Brig's prime in the 70s (I also own the DVD of his first appearance, 1968's 'The Invasion'. EDIT: It wasn't 'The Invasion', but actually 'Web of Fear'. 'The Invasion' was his second appearance. Thanks to those who've pointed this out). I guess it's a measure of his stature that I made the effort to watch his final "official" appearance in The Sarah Jane Adventures (Brigadier aside, I'm afraid I only make the effort when the Doctor is present).

Courtney was a stalwart of the convention circuit, and my friend Joe and I saw him at one of the Ipswich conventions in the middle of last decade. I don't remember much about his official appearance, largely because my overwhelming memory of him is sitting quietly having a pint in the hotel's bar, dealing with fans' requests politely and good naturedly. I'd have loved to go up and say hello, but I become a bit nervous, and my inner self tells me it's important to give celebrities a bit of breathing room. Plus I don't want to come across as an idiot...

So it's RIP to Brigadier Alistair Lethbridge-Stewart - I wouldn't be surprised to see a reference inserted into the next series of Who, when we learn the Brig dies peacefully in bed, just as Sylvester McCoy (who might have been at the same convention, thinking about it) said he would at the end of 'Battlefield'. It would be the perfect send off, wouldn't it?

Keeping my head down

I've been trying to avoid the news lately. I can see how depressing this new government is going to be. It seems sorting out the nation's finances won't involve asking the rich and super-rich to cough up their fair share. A friend has been regularly tweeting how he's constantly pulled down by everything that's going on around him, that the world seems unremittingly bleak, run by evil people with no hope of his values - which I share - ever coming to fruition.

I did wonder if he was being a little melodramatic - after all, we're in for some hard times as we try to get our public finances back into shape, as I've talked about on more than one occasion. You can hate the Tories, but when it comes to the economy they seem more adept at running it than Labour, who - after all - are the reason we're in the mess in the first place.

I've been selfish recently - keeping my head down and concentrate on me and my family. That's mostly due to circumstance - the closure of PC Answers last September blew a huge hole in my finances which have so far been plugged to some degree by cutting back and getting the odd bit of lucrative work through the door. Plus, of course, with two young daughters, one of whom only started sleeping through regularly a month or so ago, I've been too knackered to pay much attention to the world around me. That bubble is a little stifling, but when you dare to pop your head up over the parapet the landscape is so depressing it's enough to drive you insane - unless you duck back down and turn inwards again, which I'm afraid I shall have to do.

Both Tories and Labour are dead losses, but what's the alternative? Some of the government's plans - sell off the forests, privatise the NHS by stealth and now turn this country into a tax haven (see Monbiot's latest exposé here) - will test my resolve towards the Liberal Democrats too. Will they meekly go along with these frankly hideous plans, or will they be able to stand up to some or all of them? I don't expect miracles, but if they don't at least try then I'm left with the option of finally following my conscience and turning Green. The problem there is that the Greens have no sensible plans for cutting the deficit and the debt, which means their economic competence (which like it or not you need) is questionable at best. So do I join the growing number of people who've opted out of politics all together? Is that why they stopped bothering to vote? Because no one truly represents them any more? Or will I have the courage of my convictions and at least turn up to spoil my ballot paper with a "none of the above" scrawl?

Of course, I could always consider emigration, but at what cost to my family? They're settled here, and I am too, but does that make the prospect of living under a series of incompetent or corrupt governments more palatable or not?

Best to duck down again, before I go mad.

We're going to Wembley!

What a fightback. Blues last night came from two goals down on aggregate to steamroller the newspapers' favourite club out of the Carling Cup. 2-1 down from the first leg became 3-1 when Carlton Cole scored a 30th-minute screamer, but an inspired substitution by Alex McLeish at half-time turned the tide and we just forced them back and back until they snapped, not once, or twice, but thrice.

Let's be honest: I had no real hopes going into this one - the thought that Arsenal will almost certainly steamroller us (or beat us on penalties, just like Liverpool did in 2001) took the edge off this game, so when Cole did score I didn't so much lose interest but put on that new insulating coat I discovered a few years ago to prevent Blues' constant disappointments from wounding too deeply. But I couldn't keep away from the radio, and heard Bowyer's superb equaliser. Couldn't handle the thought of listening any more, so we watched a couple of comedy shows while the old itch compelled me to keep a regular check on my iPod for the latest scores. 1-1 became 2-1 became 2-1ET became 3-1 and we held out to make our first major Wembley final since 1956.

I don't want to become one of those fans for whom reaching the final is enough - what wouldn't we give to win this trophy for the second time in our history (doubling our major trophy count in the process!), but I can't allow myself to hope we'll pull off a shock on 27th February. Been a Bluenose too long for that, so for now I'll enjoy this moment while it lasts...

Stuck in a rut

As I expected, January has been a quiet month, a bit like last year. I'm not panicking yet, partly thanks to a major bonus of unexpected - and lucrative - work at the end of last year, and partly because I'm trying to pre-empt future lean spells by getting as far ahead with payments as I possibly can, to the point that on 4th January I sat down and "paid" all of February's regular bills in Quicken.

As an aside, anyone wanting to take a proper grip on their finances should use a personal finance program like Quicken or AceMoney Lite as I've probably saved thousands of pounds over the past 15 years simply by knowing exactly how much money I've got at any one time, ensuring I don't spend what I don't have.

Anyway, life has been hectic enough without the distraction of work! I find it difficult to juggle working from home with helping to raise my two lovely daughters. Sometimes I wish I could get out of the house during the day to work somewhere quiet and without distraction, then remember that in that scenario I'd probably be leaving the house at 7.30am and spending a small fortune to commute to an office where I'd face a completely different set of frustrations before heading home to arrive at 7pm to help put them to bed. Ah the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, isn't it?

I should probably rant more on here about politics, but to my increasing shame the current economic downturn sees me turning inwards to my own selfish concerns, trying to avoid worrying about other people when I know damn well it's something I should being doing regardless of my own personal circumstances. Thatcher would be so proud of me and my "I'm alright Jack" attitude. Hmm, I wonder if some of it isn't down to the fact I really do need to get my ears cleaned out - my temporary deafness has given me just a smidgeon of how it feels to be truly deaf: you feel isolated and slightly cut off from reality. Even typing this in the relative peace of the study I'm aware my hearing isn't quite what it should be, and I turn inwards as a result.

I can't even find it in myself to rant at the football: Blues' financial picture looks incredibly fragile, the team are doing their best to draw their way into the Championship and people are moaning about falling attendances on the one hand while slagging off the club for not awarding a 31 year old a pay rise on a weekly salary of 65K: how do these poor footballers survive? Maybe that's why it's easier not to get so wound up these days - or at least, easier to put it all to bed after an hour or two's gloom - not only am I isolated from reality, I feel increasingly disconnected to the sport that has dominated my thoughts for the past 30 (eek!) years...

Happy New Year

2011 is here, and most welcome it is too. Last year wasn't the greatest year on record, although there were some positives, most notably the safe arrival of Amelia Alice Peers, who delights more than she infuriates! Financially it's been a good year too - another 6K knocked off the mortgage, savings up and all this despite a turbulent year workwise. January and February were awful, then PCA closed in September blowing a huge hole in my commissions (and practically obliterating my regular work), but I've ended the year in a stable position, with new work replacing the old and 2011 looking a little brighter. Much thanks must go to my friends Chris, George and Sheena on that score, plus the folk at MSN Tech & Gadgets, Future Publishing, BBC Magazines, Incisive and Engage. I also saw my first piece of fiction published too. Sportswise Birmingham finished in their highest position since 1959, and I've been blessed with the company of good friends and family, while my weight is now exactly where it should be - slap bang in the middle of my personal BMI index, so 2010 did have its positive moments.

But all of this has to be offset against the negatives: I lost two uncles this year, my grandmother hasn't been well and other family problems have seen my loved ones endure more stress, illness and pain than I would (obviously) like them to bear. The dreaded 'C' word looms large in my family, and I loathe this illness more than any other. Friends too have seemed to have suffered more than they should with similar problems, and 2010 will live long in the memory for all the wrong reasons. We also had disappointing news with regards to Harri's hips, with another operation a distinct possibility.

Ultimately, however, I'd like to think that despite the negatives, I have - more than ever - come to appreciate my lot in life. I am blessed in so many ways, and despite all the setbacks in 2010, continue to enjoy a healthy, happy and comfortable lifestyle, which is sadly more than can be said for many people on this planet. Here's to 2011 and I hope to remember to count my blessings, whatever happens in the next 12 months.

Tuition fees

So, as expected, the government narrowly voted to increase tuition fees for students. Now the average student will leave university with around £30,000 of debt hanging over their shoulders. Naturally the Lib Dems are taking lots of flak for breaking their pre-election pledge not to raise student fees, and once again people's anger is both misguided and predictable.

First: the Liberal Democrats are not the first party to break their election pledges. In fact, in 2001 Labour pledged not to introduce tuition fees, only to break that pledge in 2004. Yet people are now crying into their hankies and wishing Labour would come back into power. What short memories you have, people...

Second: the idea we should simply abolish fees and somehow pay for all of this out of existing taxation, is equally untenable. Oh, it might have worked when 1 in 20 people went to university, but now the figure is close to 1 in 2, coupled with a population at least 50 per cent higher than it was when I was born, it's simply wishful thinking.

The answer is simply to introduce a Graduate Tax. Labour have jumped on this bandwagon, but let's not forget that Vince Cable tentatively suggested it shortly after the coalition took office, only for it to be shot down in flames, no doubt by those people now bewailing the fact that tuition fees will have to rise.

How would such a tax work? First, there needs to be a high ceiling for when it kicks in: all graduates earning over a set figure (£21,000 is a favourite, but I'm open to setting it higher) would pay a small tax on all monies earned over that figure which would be ring-fenced for higher education: in other words, the income generated would fund the current higher education system. The more money coming in, the more money there is for higher education (you could even use the funds generated to work out how many university places would be available for the coming year).

And - even though it would be cutting off my own nose to spite my face - all graduates should be liable to pay this tax, even those who graduated decades ago. That ensures there's no perception of unfairness, and also means the money to fund next year's higher education system would already be in place. Any fees already paid by past students would be refunded (or set against future tax bills), so no one would pay any upfront fees for university education.

I'm sure there are plenty of holes in this argument, but for me it seems pretty elegant and simple: only those who had a university education are liable to pay, and only if they earn enough money to make it clear that their education benefited - or at least didn't penalise - them financially. You could even set a ceiling on what individuals pay, so when someone has paid £30,000 or some-such figure, they're no longer liable for graduate tax. And most importantly of all, people don't leave university saddled with debts the size of a small mortgage.

There's only one small problem: it's a tax, and we've seen that people don't like the concept of paying tax. Understandable when you think of the "green" taxes levied by the last Labour government, very little of which was actually spent on improving public transport or other such green themes. That's why this graduate tax would never become a reality: it doesn't fit with the brazen approach to politics adopted by all the major parties these days.

Embarrassment taints night of joy

At the eighth time of asking, Blues finally beat Villa 2-1 last night to progress to the Carling Cup semi-final for the first time in nine years (and only the third time in the 30 years I’ve supported them). What should have been a joyous occasion – particularly seeing how Nikola Zigic’s winner was a late one in the same vein as Villa have enjoyed on three or four occasions in recent years – was marred by the scenes after the final whistle.

Blues fans piled onto the pitch, and sadly a minority of them went down to the Villa end to start taunting the losers. A minority of their fans responded by ripping up seats and even lighting a flare to chuck back, which then – in full view of the TV cameras – was returned in kind. The scenes were a return to the “Dark Ages” according to Blues boss Alex McLeish and it frankly ruined what should have been a great evening.

Perhaps the most disappointing aspect of it all is the attempts by some Blues fans to defend the behaviour of those involved in the violence last night. It sadly helps to confirm the stereotypical view other fans have of us as a bunch of Neanderthal thugs. I couldn’t care less what the Villa fans did – our lot should have known better, particularly just 24 hours before the vital FIFA vote on whether or not England will get to host the 2018 World Cup.

What makes me laugh is that we’ve waited seven years for the chance to enjoy a late night derby atmosphere – had the fans controlled themselves, perhaps there might have been a chance in future that our league clashes would kick off at a more sociable hour. But no, apparently football is all about smashing up your own stadium and paying scant attention to what actually happens during the game.

End of an era

a-ha is no more – in the UK at least. We were fortunate to be present at Wembley on Saturday evening to witness their last-ever gig and despite the appalling seats (I guess you get what you pay for), I think our party enjoyed hearing all the hits roll out one more time.

The band’s final gig was definitely an improvement on the Analogue tour we saw around five years ago, but if I’m honest it wasn’t up there with the Lifelines tour of late 2002, which thankfully was immortalised on their only live album to date. It was nevertheless good to hear all the old hits again, although I feel a pang of disappointment on not seeing them last year when they toured to promote their last album – ho hum, at least they played a couple of tracks from it.

Elsewhere life rolls on – work is hectic these days, with my having to chase up lots of smaller commissions to make up the missing work from PC Answers. We survive, however, which is the main thing. Amelia has two front (bottom) teeth, chattering away and gearing up to crawling properly; Harri turned three earlier this month and continues to astound and delight in equal measure. And I turn 38 tomorrow. What a ghastly thought – like everyone else I don’t feel my age, and it’s slightly perturbing to find time marching on around me. At least it’s the same for all of my contemporaries – helps to prevent the old mid-life crisis from setting in, although I understand these days it starts at 35, which means I’ve already missed the boat. Almost certainly for the best…

Boycotting companies who support the cuts

I can't bring myself to support this particular notion: that we boycott companies who back the government's plan to eliminate the deficit over the course of this parliament (see the Telegraph, here).

But if it's any comfort, I already do my best to boycott several of those companies for other reasons: Alliance Boots and GlaxoSmithKline are just two. I boycott these companies for ethical reasons, for the fact many of their products are brought to market having been tested on animals.

I personally recommend the Co-operative and Body Shop for providing products that haven't been tested on animals. It's also why I only buy my cats Applaws food, because the parent company (MPM Products) has been recommended by PETA. Bet you didn't realise your pet food is tested on animals in laboratory conditions, did you?

I boycott many companies based on their ethical standards - or lack of it. I don't buy petrol from Esso, I only purchase fair-trade chocolate having seen the environmental destruction wrought in the name of growing cocoa in the National Geographic, the list goes on and will grow as I become more aware of other ethical issues with products I consume. But I'm not pretending to be perfect - far from it, I'm sure there are many products I should be boycotting and turn a sub-conscious blind eye to.

My attitude is, if people want to boycott, all well and good, but perhaps it's time we looked a little harder at the companies we give our money to in good times as well as bad. If you boycott because of the cuts, also try to take more ethical choices with other products and companies too.

Anyone worrying that I'm lurching suddenly to the right should relax: I'm left perplexed and incredibly angry at news the government is planning to sell off as much of a third of publicly owned forest to help tackle the deficit (see here). Another report claims this might raise £250m, which seems a pathetic return for putting even more of our beleaguered countryside at risk from over development.

Look, I'm all for making cuts and sacrifices to try and get rid of this almighty financial mess. I'll even bite my tongue at some of those decisions that are obviously taken from a party political point of view, but this is ridiculous. For starters it grossly undervalues the natural world (but should I be surprised when the UN puts a price tag on insects at a paltry £120bn?), but it's also another example of selling the family silver.

Thatcher made an art of it in the 80s (I still can't understand why governments couldn't run these services at a profit, which could be reinvested in the country as opposed to being handed over to the rich to make them even richer than before), and New Labour did its bit when selling off half our gold reserves for a fraction of their current value, but at what point do we start demanding real change at the top? Who am I kidding? This is the UK, where our best skill is in the art of jerking our knees...

£120m a day...

... that's how much the country's debt is currently costing us in interest alone. It adds up to roughly £44bn a year, or over £1,000 per tax payer. Imagine how that could be spent instead.

All these savage cuts do is eliminate the deficit, so this debt stops growing. They won't actually do anything to bring the debt back down to a manageable level - say £1trn lower than they'll eventually total by the end of this parliament.

But just to reiterate: £120m a day. It's why all these emotive arguments about the cuts that are currently going around miss the point entirely: we are up to our necks in debt having lived beyond our means. There are other hidden debts to be paid for in the years ahead too, thanks largely to the last government's inept PPI schemes (and never mind the pension deficit), and still people are making a case against any kinds of cuts.

My view is this: yes, in times of recession you normally hope the government of the day will step forward and increase public spending - and take on more debt by running a deficit for a few years. That approach works - if said government spent the good years paying off the last debt and running a budget surplus for tough times ahead. The last Labour government didn't do that, running big deficits during the "good" years with no thought to the future. They left a mess that - however unpalatable, however unfair and however tough - must now be dealt with.

I loathe debt - I have sat through the last decade shaking my head at the staggering sums of personal and public debt that have been racked up, as people stick their head in the sands and think they can have their cake, eat it and get away without paying for it - certainly not now, and maybe even ever, judging by the rise of those ads telling people they could write off 95% of their debts thanks to "little-known" government legislation. We attack the banks for plunging us into crisis, but we turned a blind eye while times were good and happily snaffled up cheap debt while it was available. Now we seem to have adopted the view that it's someone else's fault, where in reality we're all responsible.

I hope our generation pays it all back, so my children can hopefully enjoy a future where governments finally learn the lesson of debt. If I could enact one piece of legislation in the wake of this debt crisis, it would be this: governments would no longer be able to run up deficits without a thought for the future. They would be forced to balance the books over the term of a parliament, so a deficit one year would need to be recouped the next. If it meant the last year of parliament left them so strait-jacketed they had to face up to savage cuts in order to balance the books, then let them, and let the electorate judge them on it.

I consider myself left-leaning in most respects: I loathed New Labour for many things, but one of the most unpalatable things to swallow was their right-wing economic policies, allowing the gap between rich and poor to widen, encouraging tax avoidance (and blocking attempts within the Treasury to close those loopholes on at least one occasion), wasting huge sums of money on PPI schemes instead of spending the money more sensibly, the list goes on. How ironic, then, that their past reputation for mismanaging the country's finances should once again rear its head, and if anyone cares to look closely enough, it was there from the very beginning: it's just that Brown was able to sell off gold, raid people's pensions and enjoy the benefits of a recovering economy before he turned to running up huge debts.

Harri's hips

Yesterday we went to Stanmore for Harri's latest six-monthly assessment of her hips. If we're honest, we were confident we'd be signed off for two years - if you've seen her running, jumping, skipping, walking on tip-toe, you'd have thought the same. So it was a bit of a shock to learn that a second operation could well be on the cards in a couple of years time.

Harri's hip dysplasia is well documented on this blog, so you'll know how serious the operation was: it was bilateral (most counts of dysplasia affect just one hip - Amelia's potential dysplasia only affects her left hip, for example), which meant the chances of success were much less, because there wasn't a stable hip for one to lean on.

The news isn't definite, and not bad when you view it from one perspective. Both hip sockets continue to form, but the degrees at which they're forming differ, which is understandable as the left hip was worse than the right. The consultant would ideally want to see a hip socket of less than 30 degrees - the right hip is 26 degrees, so no problems there, but the left is borderline: anything from 28 to 31 depending on where it's measured. He's probably erred on the side of caution by saying it's 31, but better to be safe than sorry, obviously. As both hips have developed at the same rate since last year's scan (when they were 31 and 36/38 respectively), you have to hope that a second operation won't be needed. But the thought poor Harri might be in the clear has obviously gone for now. We'll have another checkup in a year's time, which will give us a better idea of whether that second op will be needed. It'll mean more time in plaster, which will be a lot harder on Harri and Toni this time round, and it may even disrupt her first term at school too.

I'm not looking for sympathy - I still harbour hopes the hips are doing well, all things considered - but Toni has been hit hard by this news, and we won't make the mistake of thinking things will be okay after this...

End of an area

Just learned that PC Answers is closing. This has been my main source of income for a while now, and while we won't find ourselves on the street now it's gone, it's still a worrying time as I strive to find alternative sources of income. I've been here before of course - when the Australian version of Windows XP Magazine closed in 2007, and again when the UK version scaled back in 2009, although its eventual passing earlier this year wasn't such an issue personally because I'd already filled the gaps to some degree.

It's obvious the PC magazine market is contracting - so I need to diversify into other areas if I possibly can. It would be nice to replace Answers' income with two or three alternatives to spread the risk. One of these is in place - and its online, so hopefully more robust, but I still need more.

The professional aspect dealt with, this just leaves the personal side of things. I joined PC Answers in 1998 as Production Editor as the magazine, fresh from having saved itself from closure, was on an upward curve. After 18 months and a promotion to Deputy Editor, I moved to my first editing job on another title, but returned a year later. The mag was in the doldrums slightly, but we've revived it again and made Future an awful lot of money during the course of my two years in charge.

I then went freelance, but PCA has always been a part of my freelance portfolio, and it's safe to say I'll shed a few tears at its passing. It's been on the cards for a while, but it's the loss of an old friend that has been incredibly good to me, and I for one will never forget it.

To PC Answers.